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Webkinz Humor: Failed Webkinz Crossovers: the Inside Scoop


(This story is not true and is simply for good Webkinz humor.)
This article is not even remotely true, although I really wish it were.

Recently it was revealed that GANZ has been looking to further increase its profitability by tying Webkinz into other popular children's franchises. For one reason or another, however, all such attempts to date have been quietly killed in development. We have obtained transcripts of conversations between Mark Gorman and Amy Kinnetz, two members of GANZ Research & Development, that shed fascinating light on the subject.

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Some excerpts:

Webkinz and SpongeBob Squarepants
Amy Kinnetz: "We've got the plushies done and the code written. One big problem, though."
Mark Gorman: "What's that?"
AK: "You know the 'ocean download,' where you hook your computer up to the kitchen sink?"
MG: "Yeah, what about it?"
AK: "High probability of electrocution. It's not safe for the kiddies."
MG: "Son of a monkey. Can't we release a patch to fix that or something?... No? Well, that figures."

Webkinz and Care Bears
AK: "So apparently the Care Bears have this thing they do called the 'Care Bear Stare,' and it's really freaking the Webkinz out."
MG: "The Care Bears are being rude? The Care Bears?"
AK: "I know, I know -- who'd have thought?"
MG: "Well, fine. We just tell the Webkinz that if the Care Bears keep doing their freaky stare thing, they have the right to smack 'em upside the head with their Kinz Bowling Pins."
AK: (laughs) "Yeah, that'll fly. The W Shop might as well just start selling brass knuckles."
MG: "Ooh, I can see it now: 'Plushies Brawl! Webkinz vs. Care Bears, in a steel cage matchup! TO! THE! DEATH!'"
AK: "Man, lay off the coffee."

Webkinz and McDonald's
MG: "How are the new food items coming?"
AK: "I fed my Collie a Big Mac and her health dropped 20 points."
MG: "Bummer."
AK: "Also, Tabby von Meow thinks clowns are scary."
MG: "So? Who cares what she thinks?"
AK: "She's threatening to shut down the Employment Office if we let 'Creepy Ronald McCreepy' into Webkinz World."
MG: "That conniving little... okay, fine. If that's how she wants to play, then the 'Kinz can just work at McDonald's instead."
AK: "And make, what, like 5 KinzCash an hour?"
MG: "Hmm. Yeah, you're right. That'spretty awful."

Webkinz and Transformers
AK: "Now this is getting ridiculous."
MG: "I know. Seriously -- cute stuffed animals that turn into cars and planes?"
AK: "I thought we were doing robots that turn into cute stuffed animals."
MG: (sighs) "Great. How about we just do cute stuffed animals that turn into whatever the heck they want?"
AK: "Like magic, you mean?"
MG: "Yeah, like magic."
AK: "So kind of like Harry Potter, then."
MG: "Yes, exactly. We'll do Webkinz meets Harry Potter." (pauses) "And then Lord Voldemort shows up and fries them all! Ka-POW!"
AK: "Mark, you really need to go home and get some sleep."

Webkinz and Strawberry Shortcake
MG: "What in the name of Zeus is wrong now?"
AK: "The Webkinz, the hippos especially, keep trying to put Ms. Shortcake in the oven to make a secret recipe food."
MG: "Argh!"

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