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Webkinz Humor: 2008 New Year's "Rezolu-Kinz"


(This story is not true and is simply for good Webkinz humor.)

Wow. 2008 fell upon us like a thief in the night... I never saw it coming! (Okay, not really. I mean, I do have a calander.) But anyways, it is customary to usher in the new year with a New Year's resolution: something one resolves to do differently, or better, in the coming year. Believe it or not, the Webkinz have the same custom. We decided to ask several of them about their New Year's "resolu-kinz" (insert canned laughter here). This is what they had to say:

Melinda the Pegasus:
"My friends have told me that I sometimes come off as superficial and fake. So this year, I resolve to always keep it real. Which, seeing as I'm a mythological creature, may be... not such a good idea. On second thought, I resolve to eat more cupcakes."

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Nitemare the Black Cat:
"In 2008, I resolve to become a ninja. It can't be that hard, right? I've already got the 'black' thing down, so that's half the battle right there."

Brutus the Pink Poodle:
"This year, I resolve to stop being mistaken for a girl. If I have to shave off all my pink fur, I will. If I have to tattoo 'I'M A BOY' on my forehead, I will. Even if I have to stop wearing dresses and sun hats -- if that's what it takes, I'll do it."

Chilli Bill the Penguin:
"I resolve to expand my house to include at least one room that isn't made of ice. That way I'll be able to invite friends for sleep-overs and not have to defrost them in the morning."

Danbert the Koala:
"In 2008, I resolve to eat nothing but eucalyptus and sleep for sixteen hours a day. Why mess with success, right?"

Ibble Bibble the Googles:
"I resolve to evolve additional appendages. Yeah, I know... I'm just sooo cute because I don't have any arms or wings or anything. Sooo cute because I'm like a fluffy white pear with a beak. Well, you know what? I'm sick of using my beak to do everything. I'm especially sick of using my beak to play air hockey with gorillas. You take a puck in the snout a few times and tell me how it feels! I'm telling you, in 2008, I'm gonna get me some arms."

Morbid Max the Cow:
"I, um... okay... here goes... in 2008, I resolve... I resolve... uh, in 2008 I resolve to... to eat fewer hamburgers. There, I said it. I said it, okay? Why are you looking at me like that? Stop looking at me!"

Jindukti the Lion:
"I resolve to win the starring role in Disney's forthcoming Lion King sequel. True, there is no further Lion King sequel presently planned. But plans can change; and I have poweful instruments of persuasion. I call them Claw One and Claw Two."

C. Jung the Hippo:
"This year I resolve to wallow a little more, to worry a little less... and to stop and smell the roses before I eat them, rather than afterwards, which has admittedly been my custom, and a rather vulgar one at that."

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