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Humor: SALAD Files Suit Against Ganz!


(This story is not true and is simply for good Webkinz humor.)

This news is so fake that it's guaranteed to be accurate. Figure that one out.

The South American League of Animal Dudes, or SALAD, has filed a formal complaint against GANZ, alleging that the company has unfairly discriminated against them by denying them representation in Webkinz World.

Bappy the capybara, a member of SALAD, explained the organization's position: "When you look at all the available Webkinz, you don't see any that are specifically indigenous to South America. North America's got the racoon; Europe has the reindeer. Asia has the panda, and Australia the koala. Africa has the lion's share -- no pun intended. And now with the penguins, even Antarctica is getting in on the action. So basically, what SALAD is asking is: what gives? Why no love for South America? Why can't kids play with an adorable capybara kinz, or a llama kinz? GANZ has to know that this sort of continental discrimination is unacceptable, and we aren't going to take it lying down."

Bappy then abandoned coherence in favor of a rambling Shakespearean monologue. "I am a capybara. Hath not capybaras eyes? Hath not capybaras paws, feelings, affections? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you feed us jalapenos, do we not get terrible gas? Double, double, toilet trouble, intestines burn and -- Hark! I see a pair of bees on yonder flower. At least, I think they are bees; perhaps they are hornets. Two bees, or not two bees: that is the question..." He continued in this fashion for ten minutes straight before wandering off somewhere.

[....Read More...]

Officially, GANZ has declined to comment on SALAD's complaint until their lawyers have had a chance to fully review the matter. A GANZ employee, however, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said this: "Any notions of discrimination, or anti-South American bias, are simply absurd. Animals are selected to become Webkinz not only because they're cute, but because they have popular appeal. For whatever reason, South American fauna just isn't popular these days; and that's hardly our fault. Heck, I even had to Google capybaras. Yeah... they're rodents the size of dogs. Awesome. And for the record, they don't strike me as particularly cute. 'Homely' is more like it."

At this point the employee's comments were cut short by a thrown pineapple, which struck him in the side of the head. He was treated at a local hospital for minor contusions and released. The fruit-throwing assailant, who is still on the loose, is described only as being very short and very hairy.

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