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NEWSFLASH: Real Pets Around the World Uniting Against Webkinz


Associated Press
Mamaroneck, NY

A golden retriever, whose name has not been released by authorities, is being held for questioning after allegedly attacking a retired Webkinz Pegasus. There are no other suspects at this time, and the golden retriever isn't talking.

The brutal act was photographed by an amateur photographer who happened to be walking downstairs in his apartment when the horrific attack took place.

 

"I heard the vicious animal growling and barking, took a few steps down the stairs and peeked over the railing and ended up turning around and hiding in the corner. I bravely snuck out of the corner and took a picture... I'm still shaking... It was awful!" says Justin.

[...]

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After extensive research online, a conspiracy has been revealed: All pets are mounting an offensive against Webkinz plushes. This thread on WebkinzInsider Forum details other similar attacks, with gruesome pictures of the aftermath (please proceed with caution):

Thread: my stuffed raccoon (not virtual) is dead! - Real dog ate it.

It seems that real pets all over the world have decided to destroy any Webkinz they can get their mouths on. We believe that this behavior stems from lost time playing games with their owners ever since the first plush entered their homes. As we all know, once that first plush enters the home, it invades the home with multiple friends, and requires the owner to spend more and more time in Webkinz World.

It is likely that the golden retriever will be released from her crate without any charges filed, but may be subject to community service of licking children's faces and possible probation for bad behavior.

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