NEWS FLASH: Bob the Tomato Confirmed Safe, Uneaten
According to a police report, Plumpy turned herself in at 8:15 pm on Sunday, saying, "I think I've eaten him; I think I've just eaten Bob the Tomato." She went on to describe how, while preparing dinner, "I heard a voice coming from a tomato saying, 'God made you special and he loves you very much.' And I said to the tomato, 'Well, thanks, I'm sure God made you special too.' And then I just threw it into the stew -- because my food, it tries to sweet talk me, tries to get out of being eaten -- it happens a lot. But then after dinner I thought about it, and I wondered, 'Did I really just eat Bob?'"
(He's okay, everybody! He's okay!)
Police immediately began attempts to contact Bob's publicist at Big Idea Studios in order to establish his whereabouts. As there are no laws against eating vegetables (talking or otherwise), Plumpy was simply referred to Dr. Hippocampus for psychiatric evaluation.
"Plumpy has a high-stress, high-profile job," Dr. Hippocampus said, with a trace of a smirk. "It is not uncommon for someone in her position to suffer from hallucinations. Possibly all she needs is a vacation. Regardless, her fans can rest assured that she will receive the best possible care and should be back to work shortly, supplying banal answers to their inane questions." (Following his comments, Hippocampus was ordered to undergo psychiatric evaluation himself, on the grounds that sarcasm within the context of a professional statement may be a sign of passive-aggressive psychosis.)
As for Bob the Tomato, Big Idea Studios today affirmed that he was safely on the set of the next Veggie Tales movie, and added that no member of the Veggie Tales cast makes spontaneous and unannounced kitchen visits. "If Bob or Larry is going to be in your kitchen, trust us -- you'll know about it. Our legal department will make sure of that. When you've got to sign enough disclaimers and release forms to bury Rhode Island, you don't soon forget that you've got a celebrity veggie coming over for dinner."