Webkinz We'll Never See
Why it Would be Cool: This South American rodent has the softest fur of any animal and, despite appearing to be a Frankenstein mishmash of rabbit, mouse and squirrel, is not at all creepy.
Why It Ain't Gonna Happen: "Uh, what's a chinchilla?" And also, on second thought, it is kinda creepy.
Why it Would be Cool: Rattlesnakes have rattles in their tails. That's right, people -- they come with built-in toys! They are therefore, by default, the coolest animal ever.
Why it Ain't Gonna Happen: Rattlesnakes have no feet. Hence, they can wear no shoes. They would have to be allocated their own special "Dress Your Pet" screen, which apparently violates some policy GANZ has about favoritism. Not that you'd think giving a break to the guy with no feet would be a bad thing, but whatever.
Why it Would be Cool: This delightful tropical bird has vibrant colors and would look adorable dressed up in a little pirate outfit.
Why it Ain't Gonna Happen: A natural and irrepressible mimic, the parrot would quickly pick up on all those naughty words you say when you lose at Goober's Lab. It would teach them to the other Webkinz. And then, faster than you can say "Atomicolicious," Webkinz World has turned into South Park with fur. You don't want that to happen, do you?
Why it Would be Cool: With the Unicorn and Pegasus already setting a precedent for mythological Webkinz, why not also draw upon prehistoric fauna? And without a doubt, T-Rex is by far the coolest piece of prehistoric fauna ever.
Why it Ain't Gonna Happen: Careful market analysis revealed that a T-Rex Webkinz would, in fact, be too awesome. Everyone -- I mean everyone -- would want to have at least thirty. GANZ's inevitable inability to match demand with supply would result in public outrage, riots, and ultimately the end of civilization as we know it. GANZ cares deeply about its public image, and does not in any way want to be associated with the apocalypse. So, no T-Rex for you.
Why it Would be Cool: Its name is just so fun to say. Chupacabra! Chupacabra! Chupacabra! Isn't that fun?
Why it Ain't Gonna Happen: The chupacabra is a mythical monster that eats people. It eats people! Can you imagine its pet-specific food? "That's not a sandwich, that's a man-wich!" Sorry, but a fun name only gets you so far.
- Flame Boy