|
Webkinz World Facing Energy Crisis (Humor) |
|
|
| Written by pandasRpeople2, on December 5, 2007 |
| Views |
2572  |
|
Please note: the following article is not real. It is intended for funnies.
Without a doubt, Webkinz World is a wonderfully wholesome place. The
Webkinz are known far and wide for being friendly, adorable and polite
-- in a word, "nice." But all this niceness could have unexpected --
and problematic -- consequences.
Specifically, the Webkinz Department of Energy (WDE) has determined
that an overabundance of niceness could result in a potentially
devastating energy crisis in the winter months ahead. In a report
released today, the WDE states, "With so many 'kinz having been so
'nice' in the preceding year, none will be receiving coal in their
stockings at Christmas. The consequent shortage of coal will force us
to significantly scale back production of electricity at three major
power plants, causing interruptions in service during the coldest
months of the year."
[... Spoof Article Continues ...]
The WDE actually assumes a certain amount of Santa-derived coal when
forecasting annual energy supplies. Sheila Biskit, the Secretary of
Energy, explains: "While we appreciate the general niceness of Webkinz,
we still anticipate a certain 'naughtiness threshold.' This threshold
is based on figures from past years, and should serve as a good
barometer of approximately how much coal Santa will be bringing our
way."
Critics say that the naughtiness threshold is flawed because it factors
in isolated instances of extreme naughtiness, which cannot be expected
to occur on a yearly basis. For example, in 2006 a tree frog named Alex
Oodle committed several heinous misdeeds, culminating in the
construction of a nuclear device designed to "crush the Beanie Baby
menace." At Christmas, Santa buried Oodle in coal -- literally. While
this was a great boon for the WDE, it also put Oodle in a body cast
until April. Apparently the experience had a profound effect on the
naughty tree frog, who has been nice as spice ever since. And no other
Webkinz has attained anything close to that sort of naughtiness in 2007.
While the WDE pledges to amend the way in which they calculate the
naughtiness threshold going forward, they stress that at this time
urgent action is needed. "It's a matter of civic duty," Biskit says.
"In these final weeks leading up to Christmas, we're asking as many
Webkinz as possible to get themselves on Santa's naughty list -- to
give up their toys for coal, so that no one will end up without power
this winter. So please, sow weeds in your neighbor's garden. Crack open
a Thoughtful Think Tank and play a game of brain hockey. Stuff a Zingoz
in a sandwich maker. Be creative; we hear that Santa gives out extra
coal if you come up with stunts he's never seen before."
Santa himself could not be reached for comment on the matter, although
his elves indicated that the big guy definitely doesn't appreciate
being used as a means to an end. "We know one Webkinz who'll be getting
coal for sure," they say, "and that's Sheila Biskit."
Users' Comments (0) 
|
|
|
Info 
