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Old 01-22-2009, 11:53 PM   #1
Webkinz :)
 
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Smile ~♥~Screaming Smittenly: A poem I wrote for my crush. Feel free to give constructive criticism!~♥~

This is the Valentine's Day poem I wrote for my mega-crush, Richard. Maybe not the best, but I think it's pretty good.
Screaming Smittenly
You're sweet as sugar
You're also sour
But I'll adore you the same every hour
You always make me smile
Even if I haven't seen you in a while
Your grin is like a medicine
To dry all my tears
I never feel lost
When you are here
Your eyes are gorgeous
Dreamy and bright
I bet I would faint
If I saw how lovely they'd look at night
And I don't want to seem all sappy
But something about you makes me so happy
I wrote your name all across my hand
Many times before
But you wouldn't understand
That it makes me cherish you even more
To see you beaming
Is like heaven or the sun gleaming
I want to scream "I love you" smittenly but I am too afraid
About looking like I'm someone who is insane
I truly love you
But if you think I'm too sugary I wanted to let you know that
I don't want to seem all corny in such a way
No, that's not what I'm trying to say
I just wanted to tell you
Have a wonderful Valentine's Day
Yeah, that's the poem. Feel free to give constructive criticism anyway!
cutiebug343 is offline Female
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:02 AM   #2
weevie97
Webkinz :)
 
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Default Re: ~♥~Screaming Smittenly: A poem I wrote for my crush. Feel free to give constructive criticism!~♥~

its good i am not very good at writeing poems . LOL
mantateelover is offline Female
Old 01-23-2009, 10:04 AM   #3
 
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Default Re: ~♥~Screaming Smittenly: A poem I wrote for my crush. Feel free to give constructive criticism!~♥~

Thats really nice! I hope he likes it!
birthdayman98 is offline Male
Old 01-23-2009, 11:30 AM   #4
ho needs inspiration
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Default Re: ~♥~Screaming Smittenly: A poem I wrote for my crush. Feel free to give constructive criticism!~♥~

It's nice, but it would look better if it was broken up into verses instead of just being one long paragraph. your rhyming scheme would also look better that way. one or two rhymes sound kind of shaky too, like :And I don't want to seem all sappy
But something about you makes me so happy

you can use rhymingdictionary.com if you need to look for words that sound good together. hope i helped!
wolf_princess is offline Female
Old 01-23-2009, 11:50 AM   #5
I'm finally a
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Default Re: ~♥~Screaming Smittenly: A poem I wrote for my crush. Feel free to give constructive criticism!~♥~

I think it's great!
silver75678 is offline Female
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