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Old 11-16-2008, 01:14 AM   #81
 
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

Here's mine:

THE WHEAT FIELD

He didn’t look anything like I expected. I expected him to be just as fat and goofy as he was in high school but then I ran into Josh a mere 2 years later in the mall and he was absolutely gorgeous. I’m talking drop dead GORGEOUS! Catching the reflection of myself in a store window, I now knew I had missed my chance to enjoy the company of Josh.

When he was fat and geeky, no one wanted anything to do with him (including me) although I did feel sorry for him. Anytime I saw him, he was walking by himself. He didn’t get tanned in the summer because he didn’t like himself and didn’t want anyone to see him only to make fun of him. I bumped into him once when I was walking home from Cherry’s house (her parents held pool parties and I went to this particular one). When he saw me, he walked with his head down (in some ways I believed he thought that if he put his head down, he’d become invisible). I said hello to him and even with his head down I could see a slight grin on his face as he responded to me. I asked him where he was going and he responded with a quick, “I’m just going to a field I hang out in”. “Does this field hold some special meaning to you?” He was hesitant to talk about this field but then he shook his head yes and I pursued the subject further asking, “What’s so special about your field”? He asked me if I wanted to see it and out of curiosity, I became very anxious to do so and replied, “Yes”.

As we walked together he was uncomfortably quiet. I started talking about how the thought of going back to school soon was a real bummer. He agreed. He lifted his head a bit and smiled at me. He brought me to his field and it was just a large field of wheat. Nothing special about it in my eyes but when he slowly lifted his head and looked out over this large field, I sensed he felt some type of release, some type of reassurance and that he was now in his element…a place where he wouldn’t be judged by his size, his appearance, his shyness. Before I knew what was going on, he was running through the wheat field and yelling I’m here, I’m alive and I’m fine. I ran after him calling his name but I couldn’t keep up with him. I became exhausted and while I was ready to fall down from my exhaustion, he was still running and yelling.

I was completely surprised that a person his size could out run me and was delighted by such a strange thing like a “wheat field”. As I sat wondering and listening, his yelling changed to calling my name and an abounding yell of, Janice, where are you?” I called out to him over and over again and then he found me sitting. He sat beside me and asked if I was okay. I asked him, “Why is it that you’re not even out of breath and I’m so exhausted, I can’t run anymore”. He began to laugh. His laugh was contagious. I started to laugh but didn’t know what I was laughing at. Then we started throwing clumps of wheat at each other still laughing so hard that tears streamed down our faces.

He suddenly looked at me, stopped laughing and I sensed a quiet, gentleness which touched my heart. He seemed so at ease with me and himself. I thought for a moment that he was going to kiss me but, the moment passed quickly as he started helping me up from the ground. As we walked away from his “field”, I saw a complete change in him…a disappointment, a lack of self assurance, and I sensed a bit of depression. Not knowing what else to do, I talked again about his field and asked him what made it so special to him. He was quiet for a time as I saw his eyes well up with tears and as he tried desperately to choke back the tears, he very hesitantly told me, “This field represents who I truly am inside. It houses within it’s ground, my whole family. My grandmother with whom I live with now, will soon be buried in this field…”My field”.

I felt the tears of my own sadness running down my cheeks and I felt his depression engulfing me. I felt as though I was him. Engulfed in a body that was over weight coupled with thoughts of all the cruel names I had been called and it became so overwhelming for me I screamed out, “Noooooo!” and I ran away from him.

******************

Now, upon seeing him again 10 years later and taking in his completely and beautifully morphed outward appearance, I felt so horrible about my having run away like I did 10 years prior. I now felt like a lesser person. I felt I was not worthy of even a glance from him or anyone else. I had gained quite a bit of weight over the years but until this day, I was accepting of it.

While still in the mall, I was having a tough time controlling all the terrible feelings about myself. I felt like he must have felt oh so many years ago…like going to “his field” to feel the freedom, wonderment and joy of living. I needed that feeling of great self esteem and to be close to all who had loved me but had since passed away. Their souls while in the field, pulling me up from my depression and self loathing.

I sat on a bench in the mall as the tears began to erupt uncontrollably. I wept with my hands cupped over my face to make myself believe I was invisible. Suddenly, I felt someone’s presence. Then a man’s gentle voice said, “Janice, you probably don’t remember me. It’s been a long time but, I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here by yourself and crying. Why are you crying?” I looked up to Josh’s handsome face and felt so embarrassed. He obviously sensed my depression and I believe he could read my thoughts by his reassuring words…”Janice, I’ve been where you are now and now I’m the best that I can possibly be. I thought it was “my field” which helped me to overcome all the bad that was going on in my life when I finally realized it was my angels hovering over me helping me through all those tough times. You have an angel too, Janice. Reach out to her with me in “my field” and together they will help you. My angel brought me you, Janice. You were the only one who ever walked beside me with your head held high as mine was lowered. You were the only one who didn’t seem to be judging me based on my appearance and we were allowed to frolic in “my field” that day so many years ago“. He gently held my hand as we walked to his car and he drove to “his field”.

He gently lifted me from the car and placed me in front of him. I stood looking at the vastness of the wheat field and as the sun went down, I saw them…I saw my angel and his together smiling at me, reaching out to me, calling to both of us. I felt this rush of energy surging through my body and before I realized it, I was running, laughing, yelling and doing and saying the same things he had said that day 10 years ago. He ran with me holding my hand tightly and we kept running until I could run no more. I fell to my knees and found myself wrapped in Josh’s arms. I felt the warmth of his body, spirit and soul touch mine and then I felt this urge to kiss him. As I turned to do so, I looked into his blue eyes and watched in horror as they rolled back and his hand dropped away from mine.

I knew in that instant that I had always loved him. We were kindred souls wanting for the same things in life and always yearning for more happiness. I also felt for a pulse and there was none.
With Josh’s passing I was devastated but, his spirit and his angel in the field helped me live out my life with a renewed hope for a better day every day. I knew he loved me all those years and by him bringing me back to his field, I knew that was his way of telling me so.

Feeling his love in my heart. I now feel nothing bad can hurt me. No one will ever come between us. I look forward to seeing him again but not for awhile because I have my whole life back and I feel great. I am now the proud owner of my own funeral home called…Wheatfield funeral home.

"Josh, my beloved, I’ll be there with you one day soon".

Last edited by drichar674; 11-16-2008 at 03:12 PM..
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Old 11-16-2008, 01:17 AM   #82
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

woah! excellent job! +1 rep pt!
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Old 11-16-2008, 03:21 AM   #83
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

Drichar, you write very, very well. I read about your reading comprehension problem and I'm just curious - are you able to listen to audio books without the same difficulty you have comprehending written text?

I just read your story "One Last Dance". That was so sad. It made me want to call up my grandfather just to tell him I love him and will never be too busy for him. I'll do that tomorrow.

Thanks!

Last edited by Ilovetoswim; 11-16-2008 at 03:54 AM..
Old 11-16-2008, 11:21 AM   #84
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

Mine will be up soon guys. I am still brainstorming.
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Old 11-16-2008, 02:28 PM   #85
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

Wow, these are some great stories!
Old 11-16-2008, 04:56 PM   #86
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

I agree! These are amazing!
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Old 11-16-2008, 07:19 PM   #87
 
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Smile Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

View Post Originally Posted by hunk109
woah! excellent job! +1 rep pt!
Thank you for reading and commenting on my story, "The Wheat Field". I also want to thank you for the rep point. I really appreciate it.

Keep Smiling!

---------- drichar674 added 4 Minutes and 58 Seconds later ----------

View Post Originally Posted by Ilovetoswim
Drichar, you write very, very well. I read about your reading comprehension problem and I'm just curious - are you able to listen to audio books without the same difficulty you have comprehending written text?

I just read your story "One Last Dance". That was so sad. It made me want to call up my grandfather just to tell him I love him and will never be too busy for him. I'll do that tomorrow.

Thanks!
Thank you for reading and commenting about my story, "One Last Dance". I greatly appreciate it. It's a bit sad but I like to think of it as somewhat inspirational as well.

As for my comprehending audio books, I don't know. I've never tried it. If you mean writing audio books, I'm not all that certain as to whether that would help me or hinder me.

Thanks for the reads.

Keep Smiling!

---------- drichar674 added 14 Minutes and 59 Seconds later ----------

View Post Originally Posted by Ilovetoswim
The Full Circle of Love


He didn't look anything like she had expected. No, the man sitting under the bridge was very tall and very thin, with black curly hair. His clothes were soiled with the dirt of the streets. He was unshaven and looked very tired and very sad. His shelter was a cardboard box, and his bed was wadded up newspaper. He carried with him a bottle of cheap wine in a brown paper bag. He was not what she had envisioned - a well built muscular man with blond hair, who drove a Mercedes and lived in an upper class neighborhood.


"My name is Heather," she said as she approached him. The man did not respond. "I've been looking for you since I was 18 years old," Heather said to him. The man took a cigarette out of his pocket and began to light it, not paying much attention to Heather. "I said I've been looking for you since I was 18 years old," Heather repeated. "You were married to a woman by the name of Elizabeth." "You lost her in a Motor Vehicle Accident," Heather continued. The man continued to puff away on his cigarette, looking straight ahead and not making eye contact with Heather as she spoke. "You were left with a baby," Heather said. Again, the man did not respond. "You were filled with grief, unable to cope, and you gave the baby girl up for adoption," Heather said to him. The man continued to stare straight ahead not seeming to be effected by the words he was hearing. "The baby was given to a very good home," Heather said. "Her parents sent her to the best of schools." "She is now headed to medical school on the East Coast". Again, the man stared ahead without showing any sign of emotion. "I just came to thank you," Heather said as she turned around and walked away. Tears were running down her face. "What happened to him?" Heather asked herself.


Seven years later, Heather returned to the city she had grown up in. She returned with a new title. She was now Dr. Heather Roth, an Emergency Room Physician. She was tending to a broken leg when the EMT's wheeled a man into the Emergency Department, yelling "We have a Code Blue here!" Heather quickly left her cubicle to tend to the man on the stretcher. "Grab the crash cart," she yelled. As the man's clothes were cut away from his body, Heather prepared the paddles to shock his heart. "Stand back," she yelled out. The man jumped when the shock went through him, but his heart did not respond. Once again, she yelled out "stand back!" This time she was successful, as she saw his heart wave appear on the monitor. "Stabilize him and get him to CCU STAT," she said. The man was quickly wheeled away.


The following day, Heather went to the Critical Care Unit to check on the man, whose life she had saved. The nurses handed her lab reports, showing he was in end stage liver disease. "He won't make it through the night," the nurse said. Heather glanced around the room. As she picked up his chart, she noticed his was identified as "John Doe". "Did he not have any ID?" Heather asked. "A wallet, but no identification", the nurse replied. Heather went to the closet where his possessions were bagged. Aside from his shoes, she saw a black wallet, worn thin from years of wear. As Heather opened the wallet, a faded picture of a baby fell out. She took it out, staring in disbelief. She looked into another pocket in the wallet and saw a picture of her biological mother. Her adopted parents had given her one similar to the one in the wallet when she was first told of her adoption. "I want this man's name on his chart," Heather instructed. "His name is Hank Wright". That night, Heather held the man in her arms as he quietly slipped away. "Thank you, for giving me life", she whispered to him. "Thank you for loving me so much that you were able to let me go". She saw a tear run down his face. He knew who she was. As he took his last breath, she watched as he reached into the air with a smile on his face. She knew her mother had come to take him home.
Swim, I asked my daughter to read your story to me and as she read it, I felt my heart skip a beat and my tears began to flow. You are a wonderful writer and you write from the heart. Although a sad story (death is never happy) this story was more about emotions and courage. Never stop writing. Awesome!


Last edited by drichar674; 11-16-2008 at 07:20 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 11-17-2008, 03:34 AM   #88
Ilovetoswim
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

View Post Originally Posted by drichar674
Thank you for reading and commenting on my story, "The Wheat Field". I also want to thank you for the rep point. I really appreciate it.

Keep Smiling!

---------- drichar674 added 4 Minutes and 58 Seconds later ----------



Thank you for reading and commenting about my story, "One Last Dance". I greatly appreciate it. It's a bit sad but I like to think of it as somewhat inspirational as well.

As for my comprehending audio books, I don't know. I've never tried it. If you mean writing audio books, I'm not all that certain as to whether that would help me or hinder me.

Thanks for the reads.

Keep Smiling!

---------- drichar674 added 14 Minutes and 59 Seconds later ----------



Swim, I asked my daughter to read your story to me and as she read it, I felt my heart skip a beat and my tears began to flow. You are a wonderful writer and you write from the heart. Although a sad story (death is never happy) this story was more about emotions and courage. Never stop writing. Awesome!

Oh, Drichar, thank you so much! I have a lot to learn before I can even come close to writing like you. God gave you a gift! No, I don't want you writing audio books. I want you listening to them so you can enjoy all the beautiful books out there that you haven't been able to read.
Old 11-17-2008, 07:43 AM   #89
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

If you haven't posted your story for round 2, please do so ASAP!
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Old 11-17-2008, 09:05 AM   #90
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Default Re: Short Story Writing contest! No More Spots Left!

Cmwqt, I have no clue when I will have time to write mine. I am sorry, I am committed though. I will start work on mine ASAP.
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