| 06-23-2007, 08:21 PM || #1 |
Join Date: Jun 2007
| | How to Name Webkinz With Awesome Impracticality!
Most of you out there are content simply to have memorable names for your Webkinz. Some of you, however, feel that the experience of naming a Webkinz should itself be memorable. Below are some techniques that, while ranging from mildly to monstrously impractical, are certain to give you memorable names that you will remember getting.
1. Divination by Salad Shooter
Load a salad shooter with salad. Shoot it all over your kitchen wall. Stare continuously at the mess you've just made. After a while -- it could be several days -- you will see letters begin to appear in the lettuce. These letters will comprise your pet's name. Many names arrived at by this method, such as "Cvxm" and "Pfbtttt", are devoid of vowels, foreshadowing the leaner, more efficient grammar of the future.
2. Rendezvous with the Mafia
"So you want names, do ya? Well, names ain't cheap, kid. But Vinnie the Fish likes you, so I tell you what. Any number of names you want, you can have 'em at fifty bucks a pop. Just remember, kid: if the feds come around asking where all your cute lil' animals got their names -- we ain't never met, capice?"
3. Ask a Tibetan Monk
Fly to Tibet. Rent a yak and head up into the snowy mountains. Risking frostbite and death, press on until you come to a remote Buddhist monastery. Ask the monks what you should name your Webkinz. Cry when you realize that all the monks have taken a vow of silence.
4. The Bob Benkowski Method
Dial a phone number at random. When someone answers, ask to speak to Bob Benkowski. If you're told, "There's no one here by that name," hang up and try a different number. Keep trying; Bob Benkowski's out there somewhere! When you finally find him, congratulate him on hiding so well. Name your pet Bob Benkowski in his honor.
5. The Rush Limbaugh Gambit
(for those age 21 and older)
Listen to Rush Limbaugh for one hour. Count the number of **** things he says. Find the square root of this number to six decimal places. Convert those numbers to letters using the alphanumeric code of your choice; this will be your Webkinz's name. Drink vodka until you are fluent in Russian, then refute every point that Rush Limbaugh made.
Last edited by the Ducky; 06-23-2007 at 08:22 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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