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Old 04-05-2012, 09:25 PM   #1
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Wink How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

Intro: Thanks for comin'. This is a guide to help you get what you want from your parents--the nice way.

The main thing you're going for is: ask for the object like you really don't need it. That is the idea. Parents don't want to reward "I need it" behavior, but they feel better about doing things for you because you're a good kid.

Not because they are bad parents who only give you things you don't need and don't give you what you do need, but because they are smart parents who want to teach you the easy but important behaviors, mindsets and attitudes that WILL help you when you're all grown up. Basically because they love ya.

This guide is mostly derived from common sense. The common sense I'm pretty sure kids have when it comes to this sort of thing. But if you're having trouble, I'm not gonna label you "no common sense" for comin' here. Chances are you're wondering how you can be sweet to your parents when asking for something, or otherwise brushing up on what to say.


Note: This is not me saying "I have a talent for asking my parents things". This is me taking my perhaps small experience with my own awesome parents and sharing it with the users of WI. I am not necessarily an expert on this subject.


Before you ask your parents: Here are some things it's a good idea to do.

. Do some research. Find out things that your parents are gonna wanna know. Ask your friends, internet or non. Look it up when you can. Also see if you can cover problems you find, like expenses, (object) or staying away from bad areas (website).

. Behave nicely. But don't go crazy and suddenly use your best vocabulary. Just be nice to people, and your parents. Do little favors, don't snap, and just try to be generally nice. But keep in important mind to be yourself.

. You should probably wait till it's getting close to Christmas or your birthday. I don't think I need to explain this advice to you--you know what I mean.


Getting Started: When you feel you're ready to ask your parents for the thing you want, make sure to catch them when:

. They're in a good mood. They'll be more likely to listen to you and consider your offer more clearly and nicely.

. They're not busy with something important. Chances are, their task is far more important than your question, and you can very easily wait until that task is done and out of the way.

. They're doing something trivial. More specifically something their attention can be drawn from and they won't mind. Do not talk to them when they're watching TV, trying one of your video games, or sleeping.

. They're not thinking or talking about anything related to what you're asking for. They will prefer to answer your question when it appears that you are ready to ask, and not just because the subject came up.

All these put together and you can ask your question. If it's something little, like "can I have some icecream", don't ask them like it's life or death. Just ask quick and sweet, using the methods closer to the bottom. If it's something more costly, like "can I have an iPod", then you should be more careful about it and follow these methods.


Getting their attention: If, like above, it's something you really want that is serious, then make sure you have their attention. Here's how to get it.

. First, let them know you wanna talk to them. If they're ready right away, fine. If not, they'll tell you, in which case you can just stand there for a few seconds while they get to a good stopping place so they can help you.

. Their attention is yours. Now you can either ask them right away, or if it's more serious than that, tell them, "I want to talk to you...can we sit in the living room?" or something to that extent. Then don't hurry them--let them take their time into the room.

Now you can't have more of their attention than this. Don't stammer and stutter like you're still getting ready. Launch into your question.


It's time: Tell them first, that you've been thinking about this for awhile, but keep it short. You're just letting them know that they should be ready for something important. They should nod or something--if they don't, that's fine. Now you get to it.

. Ask them. Say it nicely, politely, but not TOO politely, and don't flutter it up till it becomes this big long thing. "Could I...umm....maybe....umm....I was thinking....." But don't say it too sharp and fast either. "Can I have it?" Just keep it generally moderate, but also keep it quick. Don't worry, it's not as complicated as I'm typing it up to be. "I was wondering, and I wanted your opinion, may I have a _____..." Say it kind of slowly, and don't be afraid to throw in one or two "ums", otherwise it sounds like you're jumping into it too fast.

. Also name when you want it. "...For Christmas", "For my Birthday", or if you have no general time for getting it, just end that sentence with, "if it's OK with you?". You're letting them know that you truly want their opinion involved in this, and it's not just you deciding you want it and trying to make your parents give it to you. But don't worry--just you asking is making it clear that you want it.

. Now it's time to put that research you did to use. Tell them everything you learned. "I did some research, and I found..." They are your parents, and they're gonna wanna know what it is they're giving their precious kid. Tell them the good and bad parts. Try not to hide anything, but also don't make it sound so bad that your parents don't think they want you to have it. When you get to the bad parts, tell them how you're going to make up for those parts, and how they can help you, or otherwise just say it out and be honest.

. If you feel you didn't make it clear enough that you don't need the thing you're asking for, just say, "I mean, it's not all that necessary. I'm completely fine either way."

. End your short speech with, "So yeah", "So what do you think", or if you're careful, "So what's your verdict". But I would go with "So what do you think". Don't be too formal, and don't be afraid to be awkward and use hand gestures.

. Now, just wait. You've made your point, you've presented your petition, now it's their turn to make their decision.


The answers: Here is what you do depending on the answer your parents give you. If you successfully got their attention when you started, then they'll probably think about it for about 20 seconds before they answer you officially.

Here is what you should do depending on each answer:

. "Yes." This, of course, can come in many forms. Act surprised, because this answer is pleasantly surprising. Confirm it. "Really?" Make sure your parents are SURE about the verdict they've reached. But you don't need to confirm it more than once. They'll either tell you yes again, or they'll be hesitant and explain their limits in greater detail. Acknowledge and respect these limits. Don't go crazy excited unless their "yes" is an official one. Remember, though, this part is only for really important big things you want, so if you're asking for something trivial, don't get excited.

. "No." This also can come in many forms. Say "OK" and don't try to change their minds. It doesn't matter how devastated you are, nod and smile and be calm and respectful of your parent's decision. This will increase their chances of saying "yes" in the future.

. "We'll/I'll think about it." This is a good answer. It can also come in the form of "Maybe--we'll see" if you're anticipating a holiday. React the same way as you would if they said no, then leave them alone. Don't pester, don't wear yourself out trying to make their final answer be yes. Just let them do their own research, talk to each other (unless you have a single parent or guardian), and work out their decision. This could take about a week or two. If you let them be, this increases their chances of saying "yes" when their decision is reached.

. "Ask your mom/dad/other." This answer is more likely to happen if you're talking to your mom alone. If you're talking to your dad alone, he may say this about your mom, but it's less likely. If you're talking to both of them, this answer is obviously pretty much impossible. Anyway, should you get this answer, go to your other parent, get their attention, try to wait till they're done with their thing, and then ask them the same way as before.

. "Wait until ___, and then we'll see." This answer is fine. Do as they ask--just wait. Do not mention it again until ____ has happened, and be VERY careful.

You've done great! Now just be good and go on in normal life.


Asking again: This is the action that should be done if they said, "Wait until ___", and maybe can be done if the answer was, "We'll think about it." In the latter case, I do not recommend this action. It's about five times as risky as when you asked before. But less risky if you got the "Wait until" answer, but still dangerous either way.

If you've already asked your parents for something, it doesn't matter how well or how poorly you asked. You just probably shouldn't ask them again after you've already asked them once. Asking more than once almost counts as pestering.

If, however, you feel you must ask them again, just make sure

. It's been a really long time since you asked them last time. I don't think you can wait too long to ask again. But you can wait too short. Don't wait too short.

. They're showing certain signs of having forgotten about it. Make absolutely SURE that they've really forgotten before you dare ask again.

. Ask the same way as before, but only shorter. Make sure you have their full attention and nothing else is on their mind, otherwise this "ask again" thing could be pretty much a disaster. Be careful, polite, and cool.

. "Really? Thanks for reminding me." "Oh, really? Ohh......I forgot....well OK, I'll think about it." You got lucky. They really DID forget about it. But even so, they may or may not be happy that you reminded them. Small smile, nod in acknowledgement, say "OK, thanks," and maybe add a little explanation on the end (not the kind that will get you in trouble, though) and then never bring it up again.

. "Yeah--I know." After these words any variety of words may follow, but once you hear "Yeah I know", you probably shouldn't have mentioned your request again. But not all is lost! Don't panic. These are your parents, and nothing else is on their minds, so you're fine. Just say, "OK, sorry." then laugh. Then things go back to normal and you're all OK.


Something you need: Asking for something you really DO need when in a grocery store or something--like food, water, or the bathroom--is different and easy, and I'm pretty sure you know how to do it. Just get their attention, whisper in their ear "I'm ____." and they should say something like "OK just hold on for a few minutes" then explain what they're gonna do and when you're gonna get your ____.


Something little: Here, you don't need much to get what you want. All you need is the complete mentality that you don't need this thing, but you would like to have it if that's OK.

. Ask them. "Hey, is it OK if we have this ____?" Ask them quietly if you're in public.

. "I mean, it's OK, I don't need it/it's not completely necessary or anything weird like that." That should get your point across.

. If your mom/dad says "Yes." Again, confirm it, but quietly. Act the same as I mentioned before with "yes", but do not get super excited. Remember, you don't need that trivial ___.

. If your mom/dad says "No." Say "OK, that's fine", and drop the subject. You might get that ___ next time.

. That is if you wait a loooong time before you ask for one. Make sure these small requests have LOTS of space between them, and are extremely infrequent. Put at least 5 months in between each request.


And I think we're done: If you have any questions, you can go ahead and comment below. We can all discuss experiences with asking parents and techniques we have found to work for both us and them.

Anyway, thanks so much for coming, I hope you enjoyed reading this long boring thing.

God bless you!
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Old 04-06-2012, 07:15 AM   #2
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

Thank you for this, it will help me really well.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

This is PRICELESS!!!! I really need my kids to read this!!!! Coming from a parent of 3 this is GREAT advice! Karen
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Old 04-07-2012, 09:44 AM   #4
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

Wow, awesome! I might use this to get that new ds
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Old 04-07-2012, 05:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

OMG THIS FLUBBERTASTIC
i will use this in the future
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Old 04-07-2012, 05:46 PM   #6
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

Ooh, that's an awesome guide.

Here's my method: use my puppy eyes and go 'Please'? like the kitty in my avatar. But your method is a million times better.
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Old 04-07-2012, 06:55 PM   #7
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

Note: Don't ask your parents for anything very often. For example don't ask for a camera one day and then ask for a candy bar the next. No matter how nice you are, it kinda ruins things.
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Old 04-07-2012, 07:02 PM   #8
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

That guide will come in handy. I wanted something today and didn't get it Don't worry i will
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Old 04-07-2012, 07:28 PM   #9
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

This is the most glorious thing I have ever read. Thank you so much, KatieKinz, this is very very helpful!
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Old 04-16-2012, 11:39 AM   #10
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Default Re: How to ask your parents for something...and increase your chances of getting a "yes"!

Thanks! This is very helpfull. I am going to try this in a minuet. Im just getting ready right now.
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