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Old 12-17-2010, 06:53 PM   #1
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MaliciousNights is an unknown quantity at this point

Default Writing style?

Just wanted to know if I could get any comments on my writing style, here? Would you be willing to comment on mine, and/or post a quick snip of your own style of writing? It'd be much appreciated.
The gentle sun rays caressed the girl's cheek, brilliantly shining through her room as she rose to a full extent, hopped out of her bed, stretching widely. She yawned quietly in deep slumber wishes, ti'll she popped on her slippers and lazily -- as well as sleepily crossed the room, to the door. She set a hand to the knob, twisted, and pulled the door open rather slowly. She blinked once, stepped through, and into the hallways. Everything was as deathly silent as an alleyway in mid-day, where the fools of the night wouldn't roam until the clock struck the dawn of the night -- signaling approximately eight or nine at night, possibly later as well. She dragged her feet along the path of the hallway, down ti'll she hit the bathroom -- of which she stepped in, turned the tap for the water of the sink on at a somewhat warm tempature, and washed off her face. She passed her hand in water and over her own face numerous times, careful with every stroke she'd allow herself over her smooth skin. Ti'll she had no more need to, grabbed a hold of a towel, and whiped it all off.

The girl could feel her energy anew, prancing over back to her room, joyous for what was to come of the day as it would eventually cease by midnight, bringing dawn upon another fresh day. She switched over to new clothes, wearing a t-shirt of her favorite band -- Avenged Sevenfold, tight jeans that were as dark as midnight could come to be, and messed and gelled her hair into place. Your everyday emo, one would say, though she was somewhat different whereas to most emos out there. Some would cut, some would cry, some wouldn't bother with a poser's life. Most knew the true ways of the emo. Emotional.

Last edited by MaliciousNights; 12-18-2010 at 10:39 AM..
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:17 PM   #2
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Default Re: Writing style?

I like it. You use lots of vivid words & such.
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:40 PM   #3
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MaliciousNights is an unknown quantity at this point

Default Re: Writing style?

Thank you. 'Twas my first attempt in while's worth of time. Little rusty on the edges, still room for improvement, but better than it last had been. [:
Appreciated, minimaid.
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Old 12-17-2010, 07:54 PM   #4
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Default Re: Writing style?

Role Playing

You should join us in the Roleplay section. :3
Its mostly animal RP's, actually, right now I think there are ALL animals... but some animal/humans roleplays. (:
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Old 12-17-2010, 08:02 PM   #5
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Default Re: Writing style?

I've been RPing on Twig awhile. If I join a WI RP, it may not be right away. Too many PRPs I got myself into. x_e But thanks.
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Old 12-17-2010, 10:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: Writing style?

I like yours

My stories always have waaaaaay too much dialouge! Lol only ONE of my chapters has no dialouge.
Here is a part of it though. Part of the chapter with no dialouge. But she does talk to herself.
I woke up to a frost covered morning at 9:00 AM. I don’t remember sleeping in that long, ever. I walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen. I got out the pizza and Mountain Dew. I put two slices of pizza on a plate. I went to put the pizza in the microwave. I realized that I wasn’t really in the mood for soda right now. “I’ll just go get some coffee at the café later,” I told myself. I went over to the dining table to eat the pizza. It was raining outside, “Guess I won’t be going around town today,” I told myself with pizza in my mouth.

When I finished the pizza, I went over to the window and gazed at the city. Everything seemed so peaceful. I went to the bedroom to change into clean clothes. I grabbed my purse and went downstairs into the café. I ordered a decaf coffee because I wasn’t in the mood for a cappuccino either.
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Old 12-17-2010, 11:03 PM   #7
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Default Re: Writing style?

I like yours, it's advanced but pretty and flows well.

Okay, random example, first thing I thought of. (An earthquake?)

Dust had flown from the shelves of my home. So had the glasses, plates, and vases, but the cleanliness of my house wasn't my first concern at the time. I cautiously stepped through the rubble, not wanting to crush anything that might be salvaged later. I walked to the room at the very end of my house, and slid my fingers over the window pane. I poked my head out, viewing the shards which had pierced the snow. A rumble came from the ground, and I clung to the pane. It was short, and I managed to get up again. I brushed myself off, as more dust had toppled onto me. Looking around, I found it. I grabbed a small wooden box in the corner of the room. I turned the small gears, and the top lifted off. My eyes grew wide. My hands trembled at the sight. Blood ceased to pump through my veins. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I grabbed the contents of the box, and fled towards the door. As I figured out later, just a moment too late.
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Old 12-17-2010, 11:12 PM   #8
eh.
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Default Re: Writing style?

It's very detailed. VERY detailed. It's way beyond my level, well not way, I'm above in reading and writing, just can be a bit confusing. It is very strong, very strong words, I kinda wanna say 'arty' , but then it doesn't real match. Here's mine:


It's a bout a carnival


I look around the parking lot. Cars are filled with it, I'm not sure how anyone could get through. I squeeze my way past and walk to the ticket man. I happily give him my ticket. I smile. He smiles back. I run in and let the hot moist hair it my face. No matter how hard I run, there will be no cool breeze. (great) I see my favorite ride of all time there. Kids scream as they flip. People just watching it get sick. My brother drops his cotton candy.
"Seriously." He shakes his head. I nod with excitement. I run in line and before I know it, the man calls e up to ride The Zipper. My heart pounds. Almost like it's going to explode from my chest. I get in the cage. I know my life is over.



I hope you like it. I've been on the zipper, it;s real and really scary.
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Old 12-18-2010, 10:55 AM   #9
Banned
MaliciousNights is an unknown quantity at this point

Default Re: Writing style?

View Post Originally Posted by Delilah
I like yours

My stories always have waaaaaay too much dialouge! Lol only ONE of my chapters has no dialouge.
Here is a part of it though. Part of the chapter with no dialouge. But she does talk to herself.
I woke up to a frost covered morning at 9:00 AM. I don’t remember sleeping in that long, ever. I walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen. I got out the pizza and Mountain Dew. I put two slices of pizza on a plate. I went to put the pizza in the microwave. I realized that I wasn’t really in the mood for soda right now. “I’ll just go get some coffee at the café later,” I told myself. I went over to the dining table to eat the pizza. It was raining outside, “Guess I won’t be going around town today,” I told myself with pizza in my mouth.

When I finished the pizza, I went over to the window and gazed at the city. Everything seemed so peaceful. I went to the bedroom to change into clean clothes. I grabbed my purse and went downstairs into the café. I ordered a decaf coffee because I wasn’t in the mood for a cappuccino either.
View Post Originally Posted by teaandpizza
I like yours, it's advanced but pretty and flows well.

Okay, random example, first thing I thought of. (An earthquake?)

Dust had flown from the shelves of my home. So had the glasses, plates, and vases, but the cleanliness of my house wasn't my first concern at the time. I cautiously stepped through the rubble, not wanting to crush anything that might be salvaged later. I walked to the room at the very end of my house, and slid my fingers over the window pane. I poked my head out, viewing the shards which had pierced the snow. A rumble came from the ground, and I clung to the pane. It was short, and I managed to get up again. I brushed myself off, as more dust had toppled onto me. Looking around, I found it. I grabbed a small wooden box in the corner of the room. I turned the small gears, and the top lifted off. My eyes grew wide. My hands trembled at the sight. Blood ceased to pump through my veins. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I grabbed the contents of the box, and fled towards the door. As I figured out later, just a moment too late.
View Post Originally Posted by blackghost
It's very detailed. VERY detailed. It's way beyond my level, well not way, I'm above in reading and writing, just can be a bit confusing. It is very strong, very strong words, I kinda wanna say 'arty' , but then it doesn't real match. Here's mine:


It's a bout a carnival


I look around the parking lot. Cars are filled with it, I'm not sure how anyone could get through. I squeeze my way past and walk to the ticket man. I happily give him my ticket. I smile. He smiles back. I run in and let the hot moist hair it my face. No matter how hard I run, there will be no cool breeze. (great) I see my favorite ride of all time there. Kids scream as they flip. People just watching it get sick. My brother drops his cotton candy.
"Seriously." He shakes his head. I nod with excitement. I run in line and before I know it, the man calls e up to ride The Zipper. My heart pounds. Almost like it's going to explode from my chest. I get in the cage. I know my life is over.


I hope you like it. I've been on the zipper, it;s real and really scary.
Thanks a whole ton you three. [:

And heck, your writing style's are pretty darn awesome too! Keep it up. ;3
I'd be willing to read your stories if you have any.
MaliciousNights is offline Female
Old 12-18-2010, 11:17 AM   #10
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Default Re: Writing style?

You have a very and i mean very creative and amazing mind Nights

This is mine about a girl who feels like she lives in a grey world:

Dawn never swept upon me, though I felt at times questioning myself as to why I live in such a grey world. I gloomed glancing not once, but twice, at what was and now won't be my room. It's walls were covered in nothing but chips and a bad painting job, as though a pig created such a non-masterpiece. My name is Olivia Grace and I am a 14 year old girl who lives in nothing but a grey world. Where no one can express their emotions and cannot really tell how they feel.
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