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Old 02-22-2011, 03:04 PM   #1
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Default Thunderbolt; An original superhero Story

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Prologue- Most would say I have been living life to the fullest with the fame, technology, and my fortune but one night changed all of that I an instant. I could run at the speed of light and maybe even quicker, but when a strange man showed me the other side of New York City with the crooks, violence, and terror I knew I had to do something.

Chapter 1

“Rich, fabulous, and extremely good looking its Jake Layton!” said the announcer, and I walked out extravagantly to receive my Oscar award for the best leading actor. “Well this was unexpected…..not really, no and I just want to thank me, me and me for this award. Let’s just hope I can get the same honor next year too, peace out!” I said carelessly to the massive audience, clearly enjoying every moment of this night.
Backstage my buddies were waiting for me so we could drive on over to the my penthouse in my cherry red Ferrari down the block; parked the car and raced on over to my room, which was #3000 (the very top). The lights turned on and five flat screen 3D tv’s were staring right at you waiting to be turned on, and you pretty much walk on an aquarium just to get to the kitchen that was hand crafted and it’s the only one like it in like the world. We finally all sat down on my cushy leather sofaClick the image to open in full size. and enjoyed an intense game of football eating only our favorite; nachos and the extreme salsanator dip.
“Ok guys, come on get out I’m tired!” I said and they moaned and whined but I gladly had to close the door on them, had to. So I walked past my revolving closet and lowered my king sized bed from the ceiling, and I got a bath running by turning the switch and a waterfall came pouring down into the tub with a touch-remote control so I can regulate the temperature and everything else in the house, doors locked, lights, kitchen, etc. “This is the life and best of all I have nobody else to hog it all up, so it’s mine every time.”


Chapter 2

“Worst day of my life, going to have to fake a smile on the Today show and give them the answers they want to hear like are you currently acting in progress with another film and I would say yes, of course only because I have so many supporting fans out there”. I asked Ron to go fetch my gleaming car and drove downtown with a flood of fans and a securityClick the image to open in full size. guard who led me inside the building and a woman told me exactly what NOT to say in front of the camera, the whole experience was dreadful.
After I was through with my interview I decided it was time to buy some ticketsClick the image to open in full size. to the basketball game tonight; front row seats. Right when I was about to make the purchase, my Iphone4 rang and when I answered an unusual raspy voice came on and said “Don’t be startled but you will be confronted tonight and you’re life will be changed forever”
I was starting to get annoyed and hung up, “The nerves of these prank callers today!” I screamed. I continued on walking to my sports car and called a few of my buds telling them to meet me at the game tonight at 8.
I arrived back in my room and quickly changed into some jeans and a blazing red V-neck then sprinted out the door, but while I was walking towards the stadium a man wearing nothing but some rags in New York City jumped in front of me and threw his hand into my neck injecting some strange serum that went flowing through my blood and veins down to my feet. Instantly I collapsed to the floor and stayed down for five hours or so.


Chapter 3

A slender woman came running towards me and asked “Hey, hey you, are you ok?” and I was too weak to speak but I managed to say “Yeah, just fine and peachy”. My legs seemed to have fallen asleep and when I tried to walk I wobbled and looked around seeing that it was almost morning; I was unconscious all night, even missed the basketball game. “Got to get home and sit down for a while”.
It was a long walk but when I made it back to my room I collapsed once again onto the hard wood floor and began to have a strange dream about innocent little kids getting kidnapped and a poor woman with some groceries being pushed into a dump truck by horrible, filthy robbers. I awoke feeling atrocious and to make things worse I had to vomit almost every ten minutes but I managed to get through it drinking about a whole pack of sparkling bottled waters.
A few days later I finally got out of the house and just down the block a little bit next to a hot dog stand a guy was mugging a little girl who looked to be about six years old with little golden hair curls and a big pink ribbon, her face was red and tears poured down her face but as the man threw her back against the stand she went unconscious and he began to scream at her and ran away. I was completely shocked that I was the only one seeing this and I knew what I had to do so I ran to catch up with that crook, but when I tried to run I got dizzy so I gave it another shot and I sped towards the man with extreme speed and velocity that the impact was so major he went hurdling down into the concrete.
I grabbed the wallet and sped towards the little girl, helping her up and took her across the street to the Lean Coffee shop where some nice women helped to clean up her scratches and scars. I could only think about how fast I was running and how it happened, but I guess it didn’t matter anymore because I liked it.

Chapter 4

As I took on the day I could only remember that little girl’s horrified face, but then I got another phone call “You might have some strange…..” and then I hung up because it was so frustrating. The day came to an end and I lowered my bed from the ceiling and played some soft waterfall noises in the bedroom, but once I fell asleep my dreams began. I was being taken and brought to the lower half of New York City with another very unusual man who showed me the crime, terror, and dreadfulness that lurked where no police would dare to enter. He murmured and began to say something “Everyone here began a normal life until desperate situations hit and times became tough, but not everyone is born a criminal because they are given many choices it’s just if you take those choices or not”
Those words made me think a lot about how selfish most people are and then I could only think about how greedy I was with the awards, my car, and my friends “I have to do something about this!”. In an instant I awoke and the dream stayed vividly in my mind so I decided to create a suit because from this day forward I’ll put myself in danger to save and help those in need or at least try it out for a day or two.

Chapter 5

I was at it all morning, well actually the seamstress was at it all morning trying to get it just the way I wanted it. “Do you think you could maybe make the base color yellow and a orange headpiece with two thunderbolt symbols on the side, ooh and you have got to add a flowing orange cape that glides in the wind when I run!” I said to her, and she looked up at me like I was crazy. She said “Listen Jake I’ve worked for so many stupid people around New York City and let me tell you that you’re not the first one to request a superhero suit, but you’re still a crazy man!”
At last the suit was complete and I tried it on for size, it was almost a perfect fit. It was a little loose but I guess if I’m running around everywhere I’ll need it to be loose. I paid the lady and sent her away while I began getting a mechanic to do some work for me. “Do you think you could carve a Thunderbolt outta some metal and make a few copies, I’d also like a lightweight gra*ppling hook possibly in the color of yellow?” I asked and he didn’t question me or say one word getting right to his work. I started making a few phone calls to my buds telling them why I never did make it to the game and hoped they had a blast. I got up from my couch and looked outside the panoramic view. The sunset was absolutely gorgeous and I wondered why I had never noticed a simple thing like this before. “Excuse me dude, you’re little gadgets are on the desk, bye” the guy said walking out the door.
Finally I put together my whole suit and knew I was ready for the morning. It’s just I can’t let anyone know my true identity, because if they did figure it out somehow my life would be devastated.


Chapter 6

Next morning when the sun arose I did too, and walked up the stairs in my building to the rooftop all prepared with my suit and everything else. I took a few deep breaths while backing up to the edge of the building and started to pick up speed running straightforward. I leaped of the tower and got the grapple gun out and hooked onto another building rooftop near me and pushed a release button and grappled onto another building doing so until I reached downtown New York; the underground of crime.
I put the grappling hook onto my belt and jumped onto the street beginning to run a maximum speed dodging vehicles and trying to keep the flies out of my mouth. My legs never did begin to ache running all around the city but my stomach did since I never ate breakfast. I slowed and picked up a few hot dogs giving the man who was in shock five bucks then speeding off towards my destination.
I can’t really describe to you just how the whole experience felt but it seemed like I was a thunderbolt, a zap here then speed off towards another zap over there. Then the road came to a dead end and there was only a massive building in front of me and I couldn’t stop so I began running up the side of the building and when the building stopped I began my descent down to the pavement and wasn’t worried at all so I got the grapple gun out and hooked onto a few more buildings and so on and so forth until I needed a break so I got down from the climb and sat on a picnic bench in Central Park.
Just then across the street in an electronic appliance store there was a report that Jake Layton was declared missing, I was shocked but this was just dreadful. I slowly walked over to the window of the store and watched the report but it was halted for a breaking news announcement saying that five hostages were being held from a crazed criminal who threatened to explode the whole building at any minute.

Chapter 7

This was a perfect situation to test out my abilities so I sped off towards a massive crowd formed around an auto repair shop. A man was dressed in a clown costume waving around the detonator to blow the building and the hostages were crying for help deep inside. I took a deep breath and burst through the apparent audience knocking the criminal to the ground and ran through the glass doors that shattered holding the hostages inside. I picked up two and ran back outside safely seating them on the concrete and I ran back inside to get the other three but the clown pushed the red button and instantly I was racing to beat the fiery explosion. However all the walls were up in flames and there was no exit so I grabbed the two women and the man. There was no time at all so I managed to push the black knob on the grappling hook from my belt and it broke through the crumbling ceiling and hooked onto the auto repair sign.
It finally lifted everyone out of the building and we blasted through the fiery ceiling which exploded all around us. Luckily we were already hooked onto to sign and I pushed the release button. We safely landed on the concrete near the crowd and the mysterious clown glared at me snickering from a distance away then disappeared.
I grappled onto a towering building and disappeared into the glowing sun waiting for my next challenge.
**************************************************************************************************** *********
If you really liked the story then I can add you to the PM list and I'll notify you when the sequel is out.

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Last edited by kingkkaleb; 02-22-2011 at 03:13 PM..
kingkkaleb is offline Male
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Old 02-24-2011, 01:16 AM   #2
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Default Re: Thunderbolt; An original superhero Story

It's good! I didn't get a chance to read everything just yet, but I'm liking it :]
The only thing is that it seems to go a bit too fast in the beginning and I didn't get much description of the main character. Despite that, it's an awesome concept ;]
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Old 02-24-2011, 09:26 AM   #3
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kingkkaleb is just really nicekingkkaleb is just really nice

Default Re: Thunderbolt; An original superhero Story

Thanks so much for the advice (I'll definetly use it for the sequel). I hope you'll get the chance to finish reading it.
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Old 02-25-2011, 06:32 PM   #4
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Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.
Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.Craftyreader is #1 to the fourth.

Default Re: Thunderbolt; An original superhero Story

I like this, you should write more. (:
Craftyreader is offline Female
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