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Old 01-23-2009, 10:43 PM   #1
AllisonJae
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Default A short story

i want to show everybody my story here we go


well here i go again i mumbered as i got out of my bed i got dressed and went down to eat with my family my little sister was talking when i got down there i sat down to see what was going on she said "hi cherry" to me and then she said "look" then i said "where" "in my mouth" "in you what!" "mouth" so i looked one of her teeth was gone "oh cool" i mumbered then i ate my meal then i grabed my back pack and got on the school bus i sat down all alone because i did not have any friends because i just moved in then a girl that looked like she was my age sat down next to me "hi" she said "hi" i said "what's your name?" "cherry" i anwered my name is "Summer" "ok" so maybe i found a friend then the bus stoped i got out and sighed did i tell you i'm not a big fan of school i went down the hall every where i looked girls was talking about a book then i asked one of the girls what's this book you are talking about she said TWILIGHT "what's twilight" i asked the girl gasped with amazed look on her face "you have not read twilight?!" she asked "no what is it" i asked 'a really good book" she anwered as she walked away then i walked in my classrooom then my theacher said 'blah blah' like he did every day
then the bell went of i grumbled down the hall then i saw Summer she was in a deferent classroom then me she said we can meet at the beanch after lunch "ok" i said then i walked to the lunch bar got the yucky food and sat down at my table then when i was done i went out -side and waited for Summer she come as fast as she could but why she was running to me she fell down "OW OUCH" THEN SHE STARTED TO CRY SOFTLY i run to her i did not run that much so i was not that fast then i looked at her there was no blood but she said she may have broken here arm i took her to the nurse then the nurse sent her to the docter (that what she called it) then i went home and went to my room then i started to think of my twin that died a month ago then a little lonly tear slid of my cheak for no reson ok there was a reson about my twin and cause of Summer then i went to sleep early that night and i waked up early and saw her cast

to be contener

---------- AllisonJae added 17 Minutes and 50 Seconds later ----------

that is the end

Last edited by AllisonJae; 01-23-2009 at 10:43 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:59 PM   #2
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Default Re: A short story

That is a sad, but good story. It is nice you made a friend, but said you lost your twin. You should work on your spelling and punctuation because it makes the story easier to read.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:12 PM   #3
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Default Re: A short story

Good, story, but I'd ask a mod to move it.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:27 PM   #4
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Default Re: A short story

That is a good story! Did that really happen?
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Old 01-24-2009, 09:50 AM   #5
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Default Re: A short story

Did it really happen?
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Old 01-24-2009, 09:52 AM   #6
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Default Re: A short story

I think its good, but is it true?

oh and I think it would be easier to read if you didn't use Italics ...
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Old 01-24-2009, 09:53 AM   #7
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Default Re: A short story

good story . but its kinda sad . good u made a friend.
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Old 01-24-2009, 01:24 PM   #8
AllisonJae
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Default Re: A short story

it's not true but it is based on my life
Old 02-03-2009, 02:44 PM   #9
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Default Re: A short story

View Post Originally Posted by allisonjae
it's not true but it is based on my life
what? Not true? Then why say it. Based on your real life? Then it is true. We are here to be happy and truth full. sorry a little confused.

Last edited by JulieBear01; 02-03-2009 at 02:48 PM..
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Old 02-16-2009, 01:37 PM   #10
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Default Re: A short story

It's good, but you should wok on punctuation. It's hard to read when the entire story is one sentence, and you should indent a new person talks . . . I guess that might be kind of overwhelming to you, but it's just a suggestion.

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