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Old 10-21-2010, 11:57 PM   #1
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Default Help! Need your opinion on...

...this story. This is the beginning to a book that I am writing in my spare time. I am not going to put any more of it on WI because I don't want anyone stealing my story, but could you please tell me your honest opinion of this first part? Thanks!

Chapter One

Where was he? He had to be close. I shouted his name again. “Jeff! Come on!” I waited for a couple seconds. “Listen to me! Get up Jeff! Come on, let’s go!” I needed his answer. His voice needed to put me out of this misery. I would not even think of might be lying under the snow beneath my skis; he was going to answer any second. Jeff, where are you? If I only could have known a year ago…


I sat by the window every day. I had lived in Frasier for my whole life, but I never ventured from the one seat by the window. It was my escape. Whenever I was sitting by that window, I knew that I could hide from my world and sit in peace, so long as I bought some overpriced beverage once in a while. Yes, the window was at a Starbucks, but isn’t that where all those poetic type people go to write about their lives and think about philosophy and all that? I wasn’t exactly the poetic type, but what is so wrong about sitting and thinking? I looked to my laptop screen to find that I had a new email. I clicked on the email:
December 28
Dear Miss Alex Harrison,
We thank you for taking part in our one-year student exchange program. As you know, the date of your departure to Vemdalen, Sweden is approaching soon, so please take a look at the itinerary attached to this email. Thank you so much, and have a wonderful day.
Sincerely,
Dave Hillman
Chairman and CEO of Swedexchange Ltd.
It suddenly occurred to me that I was leaving. The date was only three days away, and I had tried to ready myself for this, but I could not grasp the concept of living in Sweden for a year. I had lived in the same house my whole life, so what do you expect? My heart skipped a beat at the thought of racing down the perfect white mountain, smooth and untouched by anyone; anyone but me. The crisp air biting my throat made me want it even more. I told everyone I was going to Sweden for school, but anyone who really knew me could tell that all I wanted was to ski.
I took a sip of my chocolate. It was piping hot, regardless that I just stirred it for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t really want the hot chocolate anyways, so I pushed it aside and peeked at the itinerary. The flight was early, 5:32AM to be exact. I was definitely not born a morning person, but when you have to get up before the crack of dawn three days a week, you get used to it.
Skiing was my life. I fell in love when I started at age 3, and my skis and I had been inseparable ever since. I had broken 5 bones, all ski-related injuries, over the course of my 15 and a half years. I had been blessed to live in a small ski town like Frasier; we even had no school on Fridays, just for the purpose of skiing. Weaving in and out of the trees made me feel weightless, but my favorite thing in the world was champagne powder. It made me feel like there was nothing in the way of me and the clouds, like I could grow wings from my twin tips and glide through the sky. Sadly, there was something between me and my house, and that was called public transportation. I threw away my very hot chocolate, and wrapped myself in my warm coat. I pulled on my beanie as I walked out the door, and noticed the thermometer on the window. Fifteen degrees? It was already 6PM, so I guess that was acceptable. The bus pulled up moments later, and I rode home to my log cabin house. And all I could think about was skiing in the clouds.


So there is my story so far! please post your feedback!

xoxo,

Sunny
Sunstone is offline Female
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Old 10-22-2010, 11:23 AM   #2
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

I really like it! :]
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Old 10-22-2010, 11:33 AM   #3
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

I L0VE Your Story So Far! I want to keep reading more!
Spoiler: show
(I L0VE Writing stories myself! My Book Title Is Called~Dark Spirit~)
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Old 10-22-2010, 11:43 AM   #4
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

thats amazing im terrible at writing
but i love reading can you pm it to me when its done i would love to know what happens
ps i wont steal it
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Old 10-22-2010, 12:44 PM   #5
it's mee
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

thats an amazing storyy!
Great job.
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Old 10-22-2010, 04:43 PM   #6
Call me Misty
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

i absolutely LOVE your story! you are an amazing writer!!
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Old 10-22-2010, 07:47 PM   #7
you're not alone
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

I skimmed it, it seems really good.(:
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Old 10-22-2010, 07:56 PM   #8
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

I really like it : )
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Old 10-23-2010, 08:31 AM   #9
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Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

I think it's interesting and really good. I love to ski, too.
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Old 10-25-2010, 09:34 PM   #10
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Sunstone will become famous soon enough

Default Re: Help! Need your opinion on...

thanks so much you guys! just ask if you want me to pm the rest so far to you...

xoxo,
Sunny
Sunstone is offline Female
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