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Old 08-29-2011, 12:51 PM   #11
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

View Post Originally Posted by WackyZingoz211
Thanks for the feedback and constructive critiscm. So, just to be clear, you guys like when I say "Hi my name is ___ and I'm ___ year old"?

I'll probably introduce her more in Chapter 2. Chapter 2 will also be longer.
Hey Wacky! I meant something more like: let us see the character how they normally are before you add in some conflict. For example, for your story, if you have a kind of quiet moment where we see Ally goofing off with her friends, socializing with her neighbors, or reveling in being at home in the house she loves, we get to see how much that means to her. We feel her peace, fun, happiness, etc.

Then when her mother announces that they are going to move, then we feel for her--we feel her frustration. Then we really understand her anger because you have shown us what this girl really cares about. And it is all getting taken away from her.

Anyhow, I don't know if that helps clarify things.

I think it is a really interesting story, and I can't wait to see more!
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Old 08-29-2011, 01:49 PM   #12
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

Oh, I see what you mean now. I was trying to make it exciting, so it would pull people in right at the beginning. I see what you mean though....
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:25 PM   #13
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

I like the second chapter. Will poor Ally ever adjust to her new home?
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Old 08-29-2011, 03:10 PM   #14
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

View Post Originally Posted by WackyZingoz211
Oh, I see what you mean now. I was trying to make it exciting, so it would pull people in right at the beginning. I see what you mean though....
It certainly was exciting, and I did get pulled in! So I suppose you accomplished your mission!
Chapter 2 is really good!
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Old 08-29-2011, 06:53 PM   #15
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

awesome new chapter!
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:02 PM   #16
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

PM when you have another chapter. I love them!
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Old 08-31-2011, 02:05 PM   #17
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

I love chapter 3. Noel is such a cute character, and it's really nice to know that even though Ally is bitter and upset about moving, she can still show generosity to Noel. Also, will you let me know when you write a new chapter? Thanks!
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Old 08-31-2011, 03:23 PM   #18
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

Thanks for the kind words! I'll add you to the list right away!
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Old 08-31-2011, 04:06 PM   #19
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

Super story! Can i be on the VM list?
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:37 PM   #20
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Default Re: Friendship Comes in All Sizes: The story of a courageous little girl with cancer, and her "bestest big friend"

Of course! I'll add you now!
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