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libra9503-10-2009 11:35 PM

English Class Descriptive Writing Assignment
 
Okay, for Thursday I have to have an oral description ready to present to my class. I decided I was going to describe this creepy hallway in the hotel inside Cedar Point(an amusement park in Ohio).
Here it is. Tell me what you think please! Tell me if it's descriptive enough, and if you have any constructive criticism, you don't have to be mean about anything.

I peered down the eerie hallway and exchanged a concerned glance with Kayla. We were looking for the third ice machine of the night, as the first two were empty. We started down the corridor slowly, carefully, seemingly planning each step before we took it. The hallway was like a scene from a horror film, too quiet, too still, and the bold, blue carpet and teal wallpaper was a pretty offensive combination. The only other things around me and Kayla were the doors, watching our every move. We crept down the hall carefully, the hard, cold carpet wasn't very comfortable on our bare feet. As we approached the end of the hall, I peeked around the corner that could've been the only location for the ice machine down that hallway, and seeing no ice machine, Kayla and I turned on our heels and ran full force down that hallway, we ran all the way back to our room in the other wing of the hotel, after stopping quickly at the ice machine we found behind a potted tree near that hallway.


Sooo, tell me. Any grammatical errors? Unnecessary details? Does it make sense? Is it in a good order? Any details in the wrong place? Any constructive criticism? Was it interesting?

btw, true story lolhttp://www.teenhut.net/images/smilies/tongue.gif


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