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Old 05-22-2008, 04:47 PM   #11
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

Is it true?
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Old 05-22-2008, 04:49 PM   #12
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

No. This story isn't true. I have a story called Organized Chaos that's the story of my life.
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Old 05-22-2008, 04:57 PM   #13
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

One of the biggest key elements you should have in writing is an excellent 1st sentence. That can make or break a story. I like yours. It is simple, it is declarative, but holds more information than just the words state. Nicely done.

Your pacing is good and the voice of the main character is distinct. There were a couple of areas where you could probably delete some sentences as unnecessary --- but overall a good start.
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:08 PM   #14
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

Thank you so much smitchell! The compliments that you give really mean a lot. Especially because of your statis as a writer. I agree with what you said about the unnecessary sentances, but thank you so much.
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:22 PM   #15
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

That is terribly sad! I did however, absolutely love it! The first sentence was captivating, really great start! I hope you write more!
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:27 PM   #16
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

that is so sad..... is it true? I hope it isn't true.

---------- MissHolly181 added 1 Minutes and 3 Seconds later ----------

oh it is not true!!! thats excelent!

Last edited by MissHolly181; 05-22-2008 at 06:27 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:34 PM   #17
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

That was an awsome story.Very sad.
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:36 PM   #18
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

Aww, that's sad. Great writing though!
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:39 PM   #19
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Default Re: [Warning: This Story is sad. It made my LA teacher cry. Read at own risk]

That is very good! Great job!
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