President Bush Declares Webkinz Day a National Holiday
ASSOCIATED PRESS -- President Bush today announced that, as of next year, Webkinz Day will be formally recognized as a national holiday.
"Aren't Webkinz the awesomest?" quipped a visibly giddy President. He continued, "Webkinz teach children, and remind adults, about many great American virtues, such as hard work, consumerism, and casino gambling. It is therefore only fitting that we set aside a day in their honor."
When informed that Webkinz are actually produced by a Canadian company, Bush said, "Right, a 'can-do' attitude; that's another one of those great American virtues!"
Democrats were quick to criticize the President's holiday-making intentions. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, "This is just another transparent ploy by President Bush to direct attention away from his continued mismanagement of the Iraq crisis." Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton contended, "By declaring Webkinz Day a national holiday, the President is sending a message to America's poor. That message is, 'If you can't afford high-speed Internet, you can't come to the party.' This is nothing short of class warfare."
Asked to respond to such criticism, Bush said, "I can't right now; I've got to give Bruno a bath. Bruno's a polar bear. Isn't he cute? He's my fifth Webkinz. I just got him today!"
Washington insiders report that, in actuality, the President has, "like, a couple million" Webkinz. They add that it is "a pretty good bet" that "Mr. Plush Junkie" has been diverting federal funds away from hospitals and orphanages in order to pay for them all.
(Please note, everyone, this is satire. It is meant to be funny and is not true. Thanks!)
- Queen of Sheba