NEWS FLASH: Webkinz World rocked by meat scandal!
For years in Webkinz World, carnivores and herbivores had existed quite peaceably, side by side. The lions, tigers, leopards and so forth never felt the urge to eat their neighbors, since they could have all the meat they wanted cheaply from the W Shop. But this idyllic harmony has been upset by the shocking revelation that all the hamburgers, hot dogs and so forth sold at the W Shop have never been meat at all, but M.E.A.T.
"It stands for Mostly Edible Anodized Tofu," explained a W Shop employee, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "Its taste and texture is virtually identical to actual meat, and we figured this would be a nice way to satisfy the dietary preferences of our carnivorous customers while not, you know, totally freaking out all the cows and pigs."
We asked a lion, a tiger and a bear (oh my!) for their reaction to this shocking revelation. Their responses ran the gamut from anger, to confusion, to indifference.
The lion: "I am outraged with the fiery hotness of burning fire, and my rage shall not be quenched until I have gnawed the bones of the perpetrators of this perpetration!"
The tiger: "What the heck is anodized tofu?"
The bear: "As long as it's mostly edible, I guess I really don't care."
While at this stage carnivorous reaction to the M.E.A.T. scandal has remained limited to angry phone calls and sporadic public demonstrations, many herbivores have quietly begun installing deadbolts on their doors. "This is clearly a delicate situation," said one local Pig. "Does it make me nervous? Well, let's just say that I'm glad there's no Big Bad Wolfkinz in the neighborhood."
The controversy has also put the Googles uncomfortably in the spotlight, as there is some debate as to whether or not one can follow a vegetarian diet and still eat fowl. A distressed Googles explained her concern: "If I am not technically meat, then maybe the tigers and leopards would not want to eat me. And yet, if I am not technically meat, then what is to stop an overly hungry Hippo from regarding me as a fuzzy white pear?"
While officials have not yet formally announced a response, the odds seem high that they will simply continue to sell M.E.A.T. and will, for those predators unwilling to accept the compromise, provide free one-way tickets to the Animal Planet website.